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American Horror Story: My Roanoke Nightmare Review

Genre: Horror

Starring: Lily Rabe, Cuba Gooding Jr, Sarah Paulson, Angela Basset, Cathy Bates

Aired: 16/9/16 UK on FX

 SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

The long awaited mysterious American Horror Story season 6 began tonight in the UK, 2 days after the US aired the premier episode for the newest instalment of the horror series.

american-horror-story-season-6-teasers2

We have been huge fans of American Horror Story for a while now, having watched all 5 series several times. It’s addictive, its gory and its true American Horror. Ryan Murphy (Producer) seriously knows how to make a TV show. His previous series Glee, was a huge success and for the last 6 years AHS has also proven its worth in gold. Murphy also deserves some kind of award for keeping his gob tightly shut regarding this year’s theme, revealing no clues about what we were to expect. No series title was announced. Not even a complete cast list was revealed. Ugh.

No one had a clue what was going on. Fans were throwing wild guesses before the season (dubbed ‘?6’) teaser trailers were released. As teasers started rolling out- and there were a lot of them- there were speculations that it was going to be about Slenderman, Orphanages (Murphy did announce that the series would feature children) and even cruise ships and forests. Truth be told, no one knew and a guess was a guess. The teasers were in fact misdirects and Ryan had us all for a laugh. He even admitted it. You know what? I like that. It kept it fun and almost refreshing. It was like waiting for Christmas morning. You had an idea of what you were getting. You knew it was going to be good. But you had no idea what the fuck it was.

Tonight on FX at 10pm Season 6 premiered. The theme was announced. American Horror Story: My Roanoke Nightmare. Not a huge surprise since a few leaked set photos were published by TMZ featuring sets resembling those of colonial folk, and a tree with CROATOAN carved into the bark. Was the season to be tied in with series one? In Murder House (S1) medium Billie Dean Howard tells Zoe a spell to get rid of some ghosts residing in the house, Croatoan being the magic word. Billie Dean tells Zoe the famous (true) story of a colony from Roanoke going missing back in 1587.  So seeing leaked set photos showing the tree carving, almost proved to us all that season 6 would most certainly be linked with season 1. We just don’t know how yet.

Billie Dean Howard played by Sarah Paulson in AHS: Murder House

Billie Dean Howard played by Sarah Paulson in AHS: Murder House

AHS: My Roanoke Nightmare is filmed like a typical cable American true life show. Matt and Shelby Miller (played by Andre Holland and Lily Rabe) are telling their story to a camera, and the story is ‘re-enacted’ by actors (Paulson and Gooding Jr). Shelby is a yoga instructor and Matt is a travelling salesman. After a nasty experience in the big city, they take a trip to the country. Stumbling upon a deserted house nestled in the woods, they take a look around and fall in love. It just so happens that the house is up for auction – what are the chances of that eh?! After winning the auction against 3 hillbillies for a very affordable price, they set to restore the old beautiful property situated in the woods. Weird shit starts happening, people wield pitchforks and teeth fall from the sky. So Matt calls in his ex-cop sister Lee to stay at their new property with Shelby, for extra protection. After being locked in the basement of the house being forced to watched some creepy home-made video featuring a man with the head of a pig, the cast start to wonder if the house is all that wonderful after all.  After coming back out of the basement, the pair find a LOT of Blair Witch corn dolls tied up in the hallway of the house…well timed as an all new reboot of the Blair Witch Project is out in theatres now, just in time for Halloween.

Shelby and Matt, in tonight's episode.

Shelby and Matt, in tonight’s episode.

Shelby does a runner, crashes her car into a bloody Cathy Bates (in full pilgrim costume), follows her into the woods where she finds herself surrounded by madmen with flaming torches, and a mutilated man. END SCENE. ROLL CREDITS.

The first episode has already had mixed reviews in the US, and I can see why. It’s something completely different to what we are used to from the AHS team. It’s like watching a programme within a programme. We are watching American Horror Story: Roanoke, which is playing us “My Roanoke Nightmare”. There was no funky intro, very minimal digital effects, and it was all kept very simple. Almost old school horror compared to the modern ‘interview TV show’ we were being shown. I felt the episode took us right back to season one, dubbed Murder House by fans. The story was easy to follow, ran smoothly, freaked the shit out of us, and is all about yet another creepy house. It did have me on the edge of my seat and my heart did sit on the back of my throat a few times. It wasn’t farfetched either, and felt very realistic. I love horror that feels real to me. Horror should be real, as if it could happen to you. That’s what makes it scary.

And no drill bit dildos were featured at all… unlike the last season premier.

roanoke

Seasons 1-4 are currently on Netflix, and season 5 is soon to be added. So, if you are a complete AHS virgin, set your box to record American Horror Story: My Roanoke Nightmare while you swat up on the previous 5 seasons.

A few points I noticed in Season 6 that make me twitch:

The house looks remarkably similar to the Asylum in season 2.

2 ghosts were seen in the hallway of the house, resembling the 2 nurses killed in season 1. Not the same ghosts, but remarkably similar.

The theatre featured at the beginning of the episode is showing Crimson Harvest- which happens to be a Murder She Wrote episode. FYI.

Where the hell is Evan Peters and Lady Gaga who have both been promised as actors in series 6.

 

What did you think of tonight’s episode? Let me know in the comments.

Mr March and The Countess played by Evan Peters and Lady Gaga in Season 5, American Horror Story: Hotel

Mr March and The Countess played by Evan Peters and Lady Gaga in Season 5, American Horror Story: Hotel

BABY WITH 2 HEADS BORN IN INDONESIA

On Monday, scenes in the maternity unit at an Indonesian hospital, in the town of Gresik, turned a few heads.

A baby girl was born weighing in at 7.2 kg. But the baby was a little different to others in the hospital. Diagnosed with Parapagus, The baby girl is a rare form of twin; 2 heads on 2 necks share one body and one set of organs. So far doing well and beating all odds of survival, the baby has been diagnosed with respiratory failure within one minute of birth.

Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3733361/Amazing-images-two-headed-baby-girl-just-moments-born-Indonesian-hospital.html

Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3733361/Amazing-images-two-headed-baby-girl-just-moments-born-Indonesian-hospital.html

Sadly most babies with this condition are either lost during pregnancy, or die shortly after birth. The video of the baby girl shows a very healthy little lady, even if she does need lots of medical care. We wish her all the best, with lots of cuddles and congratulations to the parents!

 

Bette and Dot Tattler  from American Horror Story: Freakshow have to be my all time favourite 2 headed lady. But of course they are fictional characters, unlike the baby girl born in Indonesia earlier this week.

bettedott tattler

 

#StrangeSunday

POKEMON GO ENTERS AREA 51

Credit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Area_51

Credit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Area_51

It was going to happen at some point. Pokémon are everywhere. They are in our toilet bowls, in our offices and now apparently in Area 51. And why not? There has already been speculation that Pokémon Go is some kind of crazy Alien/government mind control device, and the motives shall be horrific.  The alien origin theory springs from an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, “The Game” where Riker brings a virtual reality game onto the Enterprise which turns the crew into slushy minded slaves of the Ktarians.

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THE CABINETS OF CURIOSITY

Arising in the mid 16th century Cabinets of Curiosities were once places of wonder, amazement and stuffed with eye opening encyclopaedias of travel and art. Now in the 21st century traveling freak shows and these Wunderkammer attractions are a thing of a dark and gloomy past. Today we make do with rare Curiosity shops dotted around the country, bizarre museums, and family friendly circus’s stopping by your local garden centre. The modern Cabinet of Curiosities is assumed to be a collection of macabre and often morbid trinkets and stereotypically goes hand in hand with the alternative lifestyle. The dark arts are exposed, body parts displayed and taxidermy of squirrel bollocks for all to explore.

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